The Can’t Tell Us Nothing Podcast

When Your Date Dresses Like a Bear

When you dress to impress, don't be surprised if your date cancels on the spot.
**Topics & Discussions:**
Date Cancellation — A caller's outfit causes a first-date cancellation. Is it about personal boundaries or just bad fashion sense?
Mike Tyson's Legacy — Former boxing champ Mike Tyson takes on Jake Paul in an unexpected matchup. Did he prove his legacy still holds weight?
**Improv Scenes:**
Dress Code Debate — A diner manager struggles to handle a patron who insists on wearing bunny ears for Easter despite the casual dress code.
Ghostly Romance — A ghost dad meets his daughter's girlfriend but can't leave the house, leading to an awkward dinner date discussion about his spectral identity. And more!

Halloween Candy vs Christmas Music

"When Halloween candy outclasses Christmas in a sweet showdown."
**Topics & Discussions:**
Holiday Decorations — What happens when holiday-specific decorations overlap in the store? Will you find yourself confused between cheerful bells and spooky screams?
World Conquered Champion — A world champion's title is under threat after allegations of cheating in chestnut throwing. How do they investigate?
**Improv Scenes:**
Chestnut Park Challenge — Evan, an 8-year-old obsessed with chestnuts, faces his father's concerns about playing too competitively and learns a life lesson.
Office Blanket Standoff — A new employee brings a support blanket to work but faces resistance from HR. Will the blanket end up securing his job?

Smoke Signals & Corporate Shuffles

When you thought your morning park trip was just about breakfast, little did you know smoke signals were calling for more.
Topics & Discussions:- Padina Fire Incident — While enjoying a family outing at the park, a sudden fire outbreak near Walmart brought unexpected drama. Did anyone see it coming?- Corporate Accountability in Accidents — The discussion delves into how companies often prioritize profit over safety measures and the ripple effects on employees and communities.
Improv Scenes:- The Bald Mayor Debate — Tandi promises to reverse hair loss caused by the current mayor's six-year tenure, but gets sidetracked with a tricky question about public school bus drivers stealing hair.- Bonus Check Revelation — Jon receives an unexpected bonus check from his boss and wonders if he should splurge on chicken wings or consider past grievances.

Traditions & Tricks

"When you can't pick just one tradition, why choose?"
**Topics & Discussions:**
- Christmas Traditions — Tandy and the crew debate their family traditions versus Michi's unique pajama movie outing. Why do some love elaborate holiday rituals while others prefer simplicity?
- Political Scandals — The group discusses George Santos' recent Congressional scandal. Is it surprising when politics and honesty don't mix?
**Improv Scenes:**
- Jailbreak Magic — Two inmates use their special talents to steal keys, handcuff guards, and escape from a prison.
- Part-Time Senator — A politician refuses to leave his office, claiming he can only be a senator part-time. What does this say about commitment in politics?

Chicken Man Chicken

When Jesus fed the masses, did they really just eat fish? Let's dive into the details.
Topics & Discussions:- Utopia and Gene Removal — In a utopian society where anyone with an "asshole gene" is exiled, parents face the dilemma of having their two-year-old test positive. How do they react when told to move to the outlands? Will they take the family along or leave him behind?- Wacky World Leaders — The conversation shifts to bizarre political figures like the new Argentinian president, whose unconventional policies and background raise more questions than answers. Could this be a sign of things to come in global politics?
Improv Scenes:- Chicken Man's Presidential Run — Meet "Chicken Man," who runs for president by biting off chicken heads live on camera! His running mate? A toilet lady named Toilet, promoting her stall as an essential service next to his stand.- Bobby Utopia's Angry Rap — In a massage parlor office, the masseuse requests angry rap from "Bobby Utopia" while working out the client's knots. President Chicken Man listens in to understand this rebellious music and its influence on youth.

When Taylor Swift Steals Super Bowl

When Taylor Swift shows up at the Super Bowl, who's really stealing the show?
Topics & Discussions:- Superstar Spectacle — A fan spots Taylor Swift from afar and everyone else is like, "What? Why are you looking there?" But it gets us thinking — why do stars like her command so much attention over actual football action?- Bedbug Banter — We dive into the bizarre resurgence of bedbugs, pondering if climate change or other environmental factors might be to blame. It's like a whole new plague era is upon us!
Improv Scenes:- Sunglasses and Grills — A dad tries to set up a date between his daughter Lacy and another guy by offering access to the family's fancy grill.- The Heist Journal — Big Pap, the mastermind behind some daring heists, reveals an intriguing journal filled with their next big plans and reflections on life post-retirement from crime.

Aliens in Mexico, Demons in Algorithms & MGM Bedbugs: A CTUN Deep Dive

Tandiwe's back in the square after being away teaching improv classes, and the CTUN crew dives headfirst into some of the wildest topics yet. This episode is a chaotic blend of current events, conspiracy theories, and absurdist improv that only this show can deliver.The hosts kick things off with an unexpectedly deep discussion about deodorant vs. antiperspirant (yes, really—there's a difference, and yes, it matters). From there, they tackle MGM's massive ransomware attack by the hacker group "Scattered Spider," breaking down how social engineering and phishing attacks shut down casino operations for days while Caesars paid up to avoid the same fate.Then comes the main event: Mexico's congressional UFO hearing where they presented alleged "non-human" alien corpses discovered in Peru in 2017. The hosts dissect the calcified bodies, question why they look so conveniently humanoid, debate whether it's all an elaborate hoax, and wonder why the alien reveal was treated so casually—complete with CT scans in a room full of people breathing on ancient specimens.The conversation takes a theological turn when they explore whether demons exist in space. If demons are real on Earth, do they occupy other planets? Is hell universal or localized? What about space ghosts? These are the hard-hitting questions.Cue an epic improv bit: a demon performance review meeting where lower-level demons explain why they can't possess high-profile targets like Taylor Swift or Elon Musk because they're too scared of "algorithms." The demons complain about competition from aliens stealing their thunder, leading to a plan to possess the "algorithm guy" himself. Oh, and the demon boss has bedbugs from staying at MGM Grand.
Key Topics:
Deodorant vs. antiperspirant: The great debateMGM & Caesars ransomware attacks explainedMexico's alien corpse reveal: Real or hoax?Are demons in space? A theological explorationImprov: Demons struggle with algorithms and social mediaWrestlers Court show announcement (September 29th at Segregation)
Upcoming Show: Wrestlers Court - September 29th, 7:30 PM at CoronationAirs: First and third Tuesday of each month at 9 PM Central

Fast for Four Days & Get an Improv Show: A CTUN Challenge

The CTUN crew is back with another wild ride through random conversations, absurd reality show pitches, and hot-button current events. With Tandy out this episode (but promising to be on the next one no matter what), the guys dive into some seriously entertaining territory.
The episode kicks off with complaints about Houston's brutal heat—where 95 degrees feels like fall—before transitioning into a deep dive on Chris Hemsworth's Disney+ show Limitless. This sparks a hilarious debate: what extreme physical challenge would they take on? Fasting for four days? Walking a tightrope on a skyscraper? Extreme cold or extreme heat? The consensus? They're proposing #FastFest2025—a four-day fast followed by an improv show and massive buffet. They're dead serious (mostly).
From there, the conversation takes a sharp turn into the world of influencer power and its dangers. The hosts dissect two wild stories: Mr. Beast's Olympic-style video featuring representatives from every country (which became a geopolitical nightmare with flag mix-ups and questionable country representation), and Kai Cenat's PS5 giveaway riot in New York that led to 60 arrests. The discussion gets real about how unchecked influencer power can mobilize thousands with zero accountability—basically modern-day cult leaders with streaming platforms.Then comes the Burning Man saga. The guys riff on the mud-soaked disaster, celebrities fleeing early (Chris Rock, Diplo, Google founders), and why neither of them has any desire to party in the desert. Cue an improv bit about John's dog Heavy mysteriously showing up at Burning Man after a streamer flies 1,000 dogs via parachute to the festival.
Key Topics:
Extreme physical challenges: fasting, cold plunges, and stress controlThe dangers of unchecked influencer power (Mr. Beast & Kai Cenat)Burning Man 2023: mud, celebrities, and chaosImprov: "Fast for Four Days" challenge pitch#FastFest2025 announcement
Airs: First and third Tuesday of each month at 9 PM Central